Let’s get back to it, shall we?? If you didn’t catch Part 1 of “How Kiki Got Her Groove Back…And Then Some!”, you can give it a read here. In Part 1, I explained my first two steps in my Self Discovery 101 plan, so make sure to read that first. If you skip it, it would be like baking a cake without creaming the butter and sugar together first! Mmmm, cake…but I digress!
So, now that you’ve recentered yourself in your essential Kikiness (insert your own name here + ness) and started opening yourself up to new experiences, it’s time to move on from your digital social networks and get out there to socialize in person. This may be harder for some than others, especially if you’re not extroverted, and the thought of spending time with people makes you want to hyperventilate, buttttt (hear me out), it is a key step to getting one’s groove back! You can only move and groove by yourself for so long before you lose steam and start looking longingly once again at your couch and Fire Stick remote (It’s taunting you…“You know you miss me!”). But don’t give in just yet! Once you start jiving with yourself again, other people will want to spend time with you too…friends & family, new acquaintances, and strangers, because you’ll be so in tune with yourself that other people will be drawn to you like a magnet. It’s kind of a catch 22 though, because there might be times when you feel so lonely, but nobody wants to hang out with you because you’re such a Debbie Downer. Like I mentioned before, I was in such a gnarly state of despondency after my breakup that no one wanted to spend time with me other than my own mother! It was up to me and only me to pull myself out of my own funk. Like my Pawpaw said, I had my own sack of rocks to carry, but it was time to lay them down and stop flashing my burden for all to see.
It was time to let go of my sadness and loneliness and join the human race again, even if that meant I had to fake it til I make it.
I might have had to force a smile for a while and pretend to enjoy socializing, if only to trick my heart into wanting it. My brain knew it was time to move on and forge new connections with people (while strengthening existing ones with others), but my heart was still holding onto some of that hurt and needed a little convincing. Little by little, the more time I spent with people that care about me, each person’s interaction with me planted a small seed of energy in my being. Over time, these seeds sprouted into light within me, and this light was a beacon that drew the right kind of people into my path, the kind of people that were deserving of me investing time in having a relationship with them. All of this would not have been possible without setting my weekly intentions, which included my Something Social. Often times, my Somethings Old and New turned into social events too, such as salsa dancing, a trip to the dog park, and even my solo adventure at the wine bar.
This world is full of such interesting people…you never know who you might meet next, but you have to get out there in the real world and take a chance on yourself and on other people.
And now for the pièce de résistance in your Self Discovery 101 class with yours truly! Now that you have recentered yourself so that you can explore new interests and meet new people, it’s time to do something that is quintessentially YOU. Here’s what you need to do: Sit down cross-legged or lay down in the middle of the room in your home that has the most positive vibes. For me, it’s my bedroom (that’s where I like to write and feel the most creative). Set a timer for 10 minutes. Clear your brain (and room if necessary) of all distractions…throat breathing helps me clear my mind. Close your eyes and ask yourself the following, “What was I doing the last time I was ridiculously happy? What made me smile so big that my face hurt and my heart felt so full that it might explode?” Let your mind and heart do the rest, but don’t overthink it! The answer might be in the form of an image, a feeling, or a single word. If the answer doesn’t come to you right away, don’t despair. Perhaps you need more practice with clearing out all the other distractions in your head, or maybe you need to return to Steps #1-3 and do some more work on your Somethings Old, New, and Social. This process is circular in nature, not linear. You can go back and repeat any of the previous steps when you find it necessary. You just might not be in that place yet where you’re ready to receive abundant happiness.
Your brain might convince you that you’re ready to do your happy dance, but if your heart hasn’t caught up to your brain, you’re just going to be spinning your wheels.
Give it time, and once you’re there, listen closely. Don’t buy into the lies that you’ve told yourself in the past…you deserve to be happy! For me, my happy place looks quite different than where I’m at in my life now. It’s taken me a while to accept that, partly because I’m not unhappy with my life as it is, and I don’t want to seem ungrateful. But I could be living a life that makes me so ridiculously happy, you’d have to check and see if I have a coat hanger stuck in my mouth (because I’d be wearing a perma-smile)! However, there’s a lot of scary bridges into the unknown that I would have to cross in order to get to that happy place in my life, which makes me hesitate and second guess myself…and that’s scarier to me than staying home alone for the first time as a kid!! When I start having doubts, I have to go back to my practice of sitting alone in my bedroom and getting back in touch with my happiness…with my something YOU (or ME in this case, haha).
One practice that has helped me stay clear on my intentions and desires in life is creating a vision board.
If you’ve never made one before, or if it’s been a while since the last one, I highly recommend giving it a go. If you’re wondering what on earth that is, here’s the basic gist: A vision board is a poster board that you personalize with images that represent what you want to be, do, or have in life. Essentially, it helps you visualize while maintaining focus on your specific life goals and your heart’s desires. Then, in order to keep these goals and desires in the forefront of your mind, choose a prominent location in your home or work space to display your vision board so that you can visualize them on a daily basis. By keeping your attention on your intentions, you’re moving one step closer to making the law of attraction work for you and discover your something YOU! (Stay tuned for a future post on vision boards with a step by step guide on how to create your own and how they can work wonders in your life!)
If you’re still not convinced, another great resource to help you stop doubting your awesomeness and start living your best life now is Jen Sincero’s book, “You Are a Badass.” In fact, her book helped me so much, I read it not once but twice in the past nine months! There are so many quotable moments in that book, but one that stuck with me says, “If you want to live a life you’ve never lived, you have to do things you’ve never done.” (Buy it here in paperback, hardcover, or kindle format…you won’t regret it!) So, what have you got to lose? If you’ve been down in the dumps for far too long, why don’t you give my 4-step Self Discovery plan a try?? Start with your Something Old to recenter yourself, followed by exploring new interests and passions with your Something New. Once you start vibing with positive energy again, people will want to hang around you to soak up your good vibrations, so it’s time for your Something Social. Finally, once you’re moving and grooving again to the beat of your own, unique drum, and your brain and heart are in sync with how awesome you are, it’s essential to find your Something YOU! If your happy place doesn’t come to you right away, don’t despair!
Think of this plan as less linear and more circular. You can go back at any time to revisit the previous steps as needed to keep your doubts and self-deprecation at bay.
I actually recommend revisiting your Somethings on a weekly basis. I don’t try to do all of my Somethings every week, because that would be overwhelming, and knowing myself, I would most likely give up and become one with my couch and a bag of (insert your favorite snack here). Instead, pick one something to do that week and set your intention by writing it down in your planner. As previously mentioned in Part 1, it’s validating to reflect back after a period of time to see how far you’ve come in your journey of self exploration. My hope for you today is that you will be inspired to use my plan in a way that works for you and go get your groove back! Most likely, it won’t even be your same old groove, but rather a new and improved groove that reflects all the work you’ve done on yourself throughout this journey. Above all else, my prayer for you is that you find your SOMETHING YOU!
I would love to hear about where you are in your journey! Comment below with your personal stories and any questions you may have for me. This is a safe space for you to share your thoughts, feedback, and inquiries! 🙂 XOXO, Kiki